I Remember You
by Wishing For Rainy Days
Summary: These will be a sequence of 16 drabbles, 4 featuring each season of Severus' sixth year in Hogwarts. The first without Lily, and how everything seems to remind him of the girl...
1. Scent of Flowers

_**DISCLAIMER: **The ideas are mine, the characters are not. Had Sev and Lily been the result of my imagination, they would have had their happy ending_

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_**Season:** spring_

_**Prompt 1 **: flowers_

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**Scent of flowers...**

Severus Snape smelled flowers.

He knew that fragrance. It was fresh, vivid and delicate, neither so light that would go unnoticed, nor so sweet that would become nauseating. It was impossible to mistake by any other, but maybe that was just because he knew it so well. It was Lily's perfume.

The young man lifted his head only to find his best friend sitting a couple of tables away, her beautiful red hair still wet, loosely tied back by hair clips. She liked to wash her hair whenever they had morning tests, Lily said it helped her to relax and concentrate during the examinations. Severus would have called anyone else stupid by holding on to such a misguided superstition, but when the girl explained it to him, he thought it was cute. Unfortunately, treating her differently from everyone else was no longer enough for Lily.

"_But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?" _

Her bitter words from the previous night still echoed on the half blood prince's brain, and the memory of their latest fight was enough to make his discreet smile vanish into oblivion. He remembered more, he remembered everything. All the things she had said, all the things she had done. Was it a smile he saw on her face right after Potter attacked him using his own spell, by the lake?

He had barely gotten any sleep last night, in spite of his Potions' O.W.L.s that morning.

Sev and Lily had had disagreements before, of course. Her friends disapproved of him, his friends disapproved of her. Soon there were secrets, things they'd not discuss, mistakes they'd overlook, questions they wouldn't ask. But this time, this time they were not speaking at each other at all. And it seemed like it was forever.

The sound of pouring sand on the hourglass over the staff table, ahead of the Great Hall called Severus back to the present.

He looked down at his parchment once more. The boy had written his name on top of the parchment, but other than that he had done little more, distracted as he was by the memories of what had happened in the previous evening. He read the first question _1) Which aroma characterizes amortentia? Describe the effects of the potion. _He seemed to have answered that one already. A single word, written in his cramped handwriting while he daydreamed:

_Lilys'_

Severus scratched that word sadly, before continuing his exam.

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_**AN: **These drabbles will be the four seasons of Severus' sixth year in Hogwarts, the first without Lily as his friend. And how everything reminds him in some way ore another of the girl he wish was his. I didn't use a Beta, and I'm not a native English speaker, so please if you spot my mistakes let me know ..._

_The first ones were written for a challenge, but it has been such a long time I'll have to finish these with prompts of my own... There's something about drabble collections, is there not? I have suddenly grown really fond of them...  
_

_Reviews are sweet as the scent of flowers Severus smelled...  
_


	2. Salted Raindrops

_**DISCLAIMER: **The ideas are mine, the characters are not. Had Sev and Lily been the result of my imagination, they would have had their happy ending_

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_**Season:** spring  
__**Prompt 2 **: rain_

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**Salted Raindrops...**

Rain drops hit Severus face violently.

It rained just like the day Lily saw him crying for the first time.

"_You've been avoiding, me!" She had followed Severus to the swings of the playground near Spinners end, and their clothes were soaked wet on account of the heavy rain. _

"_I want to be alone!"_

"_Sev, what's wrong? Are you crying?" She reached out and tried to touch his face, but he turned his face to the other side, very angry._

"_I'm not crying, it's raining, Lily!"_

"_Don't be absurd, your eyes are red and sored, I'm worried about you, please, Sev, let me help you!"_

"_There's nothing you can do" his voice was less angry this time, but he was clearly embarrassed that she had realized he was crying._

"_Talk to me." Lily sat on the green grass, apparently undisturbed by the violent rain over them and held Severus hand as the young man let his body fall over one of the swings. _

_Severus looked at her, feeling her hand squeezing his own. He felt weak, powerless, and embarrassed that he had not been able to keep up with his control, ashamed that he had broken down to tears and cried, like a baby instead of a twelve year-old. He wanted to shake Lily's hand off, to man up and tell her to walk away but it felt so good and he simply was not strong enough to pretend he didn't need her. _

_Before he could restrain himself, he was telling her everything, how his mother had not welcomed him back, how she blamed everything his father did to her on Severus, how everything would be better if he was not a wizard, if only she had had the good sense to keep him from going to Hogwarts! Eileen didn't want the boy in her house anymore. She told him to go away. _

"_Oh, Sev!" Lily could barely believe his own mother would do such a thing. "I'm sure she didn't mean it."_

"_You were not there!" He replied, angrily._

_Lily bit her inferior lip, stood up and walked around the swing her friend sat on, hugging Severus from his back. _

"_It doesn't matter. You can stay with me. My parents have been dying to know you better, anyway."_

"_I couldn't, your sister hates me, Lil..."_

"_Tuney will have to live with that!" Lily said energically. "Come with me, I'm freezing out here!"_

_Slowly, Severus stood up, rubbing his red eyes, and he held his best friend's hand that she offered him. _

"_Sev," Lily began, before they walked away from the rain "You don't have to come into the rain to hide your tears, you know..."_

"_I was not- What are you-" He didn't know what to say._

"_I'll always be there for you when you feel like crying."_

It was only when he tasted the saltiness of his tears that Severus realized Lily, nearly four years ago, had made a promise she would not be able to keep.


	3. Images on the Sky

_**DISCLAIMER: **The ideas are mine, the characters are not. Had Sev and Lily been the result of my imagination, they would have had their happy ending_

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_**Season:** spring_

_**Prompt 1 **: rainbows_

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**Images on the sky... Images on his mind...**

"They're formations of light, Lily!" Severus had brought his transfiguration homework to the grounds, to work on it while Lily laid on her back, watching the sky.

"Rainbows are so much more than that, Sev!"

"I'm trying to write the essay for Professor McGonagall, will you stop talking about rainbows and help me out?" He asked, a bit exasperated, but Lily pulled him down and made Severus lie on the grass next to her.

"You'll ace your essay, you always do." Lily seemed very confident, and Sev smiled. "But you've never stopped to look at clouds with me."

"Clouds are formations of water, floating on the sky thousands of miles away from where we are now. Why would you have me staring at them?" He asked her, confused by her insistence and looked up at the sky.

"Because of their shapes, Sev! Look, that's a ship!" She pointed some clouds directly above them.

"A ship? That's absurd, it looks like a hat, a poorly designed hat, that is..."

"That's the thing about clouds, each person sees something different."

"And what's the point?"

"How can you be so brilliant in preparing potions and so oblivious, to-"

"To what?"

"Beauty." She said simply.

Severus stopped staring at the sky and looked at her. Her beautiful red hair laid loose over the grass, and her green eyes seemed even more beautiful lightened by the sun. How could she think he was oblivious to beauty, when her beautiful face was the most frequent image on his adolescent mind?

It was the main image in his mind even now, years later, after that fight, after the day she said they couldn't be friends anymore. Severus looked up at the sky and he saw nothing on the clouds. He never saw anything, he was always too busy looking at Lily, Lily's face, Lily's smile... He never thought there would be a day when he would have to watch the clouds by himself.


	4. Never Again

_**DISCLAIMER: **The ideas are mine, the characters are not. Had Sev and Lily been the result of my imagination, they would have had their happy ending_

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_**Season:** spring_

_**Prompt 4 **: spring_

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**Never Again**

When the time came to take the Hogwarts Express, Severus sat by himself in one of the compartments. He didn't lock the door, but it didn't matter. No one walked in.

His copy of "Transfiguration: Today." laid untouched by his side. He had hoped to catch up with some reading, but the effort proved futile. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't concentrate ando soon, Severus had read the first paragraph several times without absorbing anything more than the first words.

When he finally gave up, he sat motionless, leaning his head in the cold window, watching the fields crossed by the Express. He remembered his first fight with Lily. They were in the train, as a matter of fact, and she was mad about the possibility of him becoming a death eater. They were evil, and dangerous, and they hated people like her.

Severus just wanted her to stop talking. He had not made his mind about the subject yet, he needed more information. Whatever he did, Lily would always be his friend, he would make sure of that. But no matter how many times he deflected her questions, she just wouldn't stop.

"Why do you care so much about this? We have year till we finish Hogwarts!"

"I care about you."

Her answer took his breath away.

Severus pulled her towards him, into his arms, and promised they'd always be together. He wasn't sure about the future, but he wouldn't let anyone come between them, and he wouldn't let anyone hurt her, because of her blood of whatever other reason. She was not quite satisfied, but she gave in, and they walked home together, speaking of lighter subjects.

That memory was interrupted by the voice of Lily in his mind, her words from their last argument "_I'm not interested." "It's too late". _Well, they would never argue again, and that didn't make him feel any better.

There were few flowers on the fields outside, the seasons were changing. And no spring would be as dreadful as that one had been. Never Again.


	5. Good Night, Good Night

_**ISCLAIMER: **The ideas are mine, the characters are not. Had Sev and Lily been the result of my imagination, they would have had their happy ending_

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_**Season:** summer  
__**Prompt 1 **: heat_

_My thanks to **Imablack **for Beta-reading this_

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**Good Night. Good Night.**

Unlike many people might think, Severus used to enjoy his summer break from Hogwarts. He missed the castle, the library and all the books at his disposal, he missed being around magic all the time, but he welcomed the fact that he didn't have to share his room with anybody else, and he got to be with Lily all of the time. At Hogwarts, their different houses kept them apart, they had different classes, different timetables. In addition, during summer there was no one else nearby to compete with him for Lily's attention. So Severus Snape really enjoyed his summers.

Of course being back home meant being with his parents. Even now, as he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling he could hear the yelling downstairs, his father's voice distorted by the alcohol. But he had learned to ignore those quarrels a long time ago.

The heat wouldn't let him sleep. His blue t-shirt was covered with sweat, and the small fan on the floor was not working, so he stood up and walked towards the window, in the hope that the nocturne breeze would temper the temperature of his room.

Once he got to the window however, he realized Lily's light was still on.

They were neighbours. She lived right across the street, and her window was directly in front of his. He used to watch her window every night, till she shut her lights off. He had seen her dancing, once, one of the cutest and funniest things he had ever since. She was so mad when he told her he'd been spying the next morning! And of course once she knew he never again had a chance to spot her changing, which he only though he saw once, but her curtains were closed, anyway.

Her curtains were closed today as well. And for a while Severus couldn't see her anywhere, until he watched her silhouette get closer and closer to the window, and for a few seconds she stood there, watching the window, as if struggling in her mind to decide whether or not to open it and say "good night, Sev," like so many times before.

But the window remained closed, and soon her lights were off. Severus looked down, tired, using his fingers to take the hair out of his face, wondering how could she continue to hurt him, when he thought that day, in the Gryffindor Tower would be the last time.

He walked back to his bed, and it didn't take him long to sleep. Suddenly, he felt tired, as if he had the weight of the world in his shoulders. And before he gave in and closed his eyes he couldn't help but whisper:

"Good night, Lily."


End file.
